Limb by limb, it seems that I’m falling apart at the seams. It’s got to stop, otherwise I’m in big trouble.
This year has to have been one of the toughest I’ve had to endure, physically. A relentless sports season saw me working harder than ever before in my job, faced with new challenges, demons to overcome and lots of frantic deadlines to meet. But I made it. In the run-up to Christmas and New Year (also my birthday, gah, let’s just forget it) life is still hectic but somehow with the new work project it’s more predictably hectic. And most of all, I now have the opportunity to get back to managing my health.
I’ve learned this year that I like the simple life. I like growing things, reading, cooking and pottering. It makes me happy, and that’s OK. I’ve learned that not wanting to dive headfirst into management and climb the greasy pole – to just be able to do my job and do it well – is actually OK. That not pushing to progress up the career ladder isn’t a lack of ambition at all. I have so many things in my life that I want to aspire to do, it’s just that I’m happy with a stable and straightforward career.
But I’ve paid for my hard work this year. I practically eschewed all forms of exercise – about from working on the Smallest Smallholding – and one by one, my arms, legs, shoulders and hips have seized up and become weak and stiff. I’m an almost-32 year old virtually trapped in the body of an old lady. And I’m tired.
I’m tired of the constant pain, aches, the continuing loss of mobility, the nights where I can’t sleep because of the pain. I can get treatment but really, it’s only a sticking plaster. It’s a lifestyle thing. Too much time tip-tapping away at the laptop when I should be building my strength, clawing back my flexibility and gaining back a pain-free life. Chronic pain is draining and demoralising, and whilst on the outside you might look normal – you walk OK, you can do a few things without any visible problems – it’s actually miserable.
So no time to wait to start New Year resolutions here. It starts now. Next year, I want to devote even more of myself to my growing and gardening and I can only do that if I’m fit enough. I don’t want to be tired and in constant pain any more. I want my life back.