Catching time

spring flowers

Last week apparently it was the beginning of spring, and although we had one day of glorious blue skies and sunshine, it still feels very much like we’re stuck in the mud and droll greyness of winter. The only clue that spring may be on its way are the vivid yellow daffodils bravely poking their heads above the rain-soaked soil under the fruit trees, and a few slightly gnarled tulip leaves that have also begun to emerge.

My life has been so work and pregnancy-centric for the last few weeks that I feel like I’ve been living in a bubble. I just get through each day and I long for a bit of quiet time at the weekends. Our time as just “me and Rich” (and a small mengarie of fluffy companions) is getting shorter and shorter each week. Don’t get me wrong, I am so excited about what the future holds but I also want to make sure that Rich and I make the most of being able to just take off whenever we feel like it, without the need to coordinate this and that. OK, so the reality is we still need to make sure everyone is fed and watered and OK here, but before our world is turned upside down I want to enjoy it.

I’m not quite there at the moment.

I think we need to book some time out for ourselves. Everything feels so relentless and it’s becoming harder and harder to ignore all the things that need doing. I wish so much that I could just afford to stop now and take a big rest, catch my breath and have the time to work through this huge long list of house renovations, garden jobs, baby prep and everything else in between that needs sorting out.

I’ve been so focused on work and trying to get prepped financially that I feel like I’ve neglected the most important thing right now; staying happy, staying positive and being healthy. To do that, I need time and I need head space. I don’t know if it’s the hormones but sometimes I feel like bursting out crying because I feel like I’m so unprepared and overwhelmed. It quickly passes because I know deep down that I can do it. I just feel like I’m running out of steam and I just want some quiet time, just for us, to do what we need to do and at the pace we need to do it. So I can bring this baby into the world and make sure I don’t lose myself.

Wishful thinking?

Our world is changing

New addition to the family

I’ve wanted to write this for a long time; I am having a baby!

Now that I’m sat here in front of the keyboard, I’m not entirely sure that the words will come out eloquently. It wasn’t planned but it was amazing, exciting, terrifying news when I found out, by chance, on my birthday at an early pregnancy scan. My doctor sent me; I thought I was having other issues. Then up on the ultrasound screen popped up a little blurry shape. “… And there’s your baby,” said the nurse. Life-changing words. My hand flew to my mouth and I looked, wide-eyed at Rich, and he looked back. We walked out together grinning like idiots.

I’ve known for weeks as we found out very early on, but didn’t want to share until after my 12-week scan. I’ve had some early problems and had to rush to A&E a month ago, but so far, all has been well despite what’s gone on. I am full of trepidation and excitement and so many emotions and feelings, and more than anything want my baby to arrive safely, healthily and happily in August. I am going to be a mother. I am going to be a mother!

After feeling like I was treading water for a while, my life suddenly has a very clear direction that I need to follow. Lying there at my 12-week scan with Rich beside me, watching our little baby wiggle and kick and wave its arms (and at one point, go into a dive position with its hands above its head) was just amazing. We made this life. I’m growing this baby and I am so proud of it already.

Because it’s not been plain sailing so far, I’m still quite nervous about my first pregnancy – there’s just so much to know and learn and I just want everything to be GOOD now – but all I can do now is look after myself and put my trust in my body, and in nature. It’s such a wonderful thing, and I didn’t appreciate it fully until it happened to me.

So this year there’s a lot to do; house renovations, making sure we have lots of fresh, organically grown food at our hands here at home, and preparations as we make space for a new addition. My life is going to change… it’s already changing 🙂