Totally unrelated to my Smallest Smallholding; but as I am the author of SS, then by default, this post is related. Sort of.
Anyhow, I’ve been finding that I’ve been feeling quite down lately about somewhat of a trivial matter. You see, the vast majority of my friends have moved to the Big Smoke and become fully-fledged Londoners. They’ve all moved on, I haven’t. And I’m here, without a best friend or a group of friends and finding it really, really tough.
I think it’s because whilst ripping up the carpet in my old bedroom, I found a floor tile that I’d written on. It was 1997, I was 14, utterly obsessed with John Lennon and The Beatles, and I’d succinctly written about what was going on in my life. I had a big network of friends, I was doing loads - plays, school groups, singing, going out with my friends, doing well at school etc etc. Didn’t have a boyfriend (the one thing that I have now that I didn’t have then) but had a big crush on a boy in the Sixth Form. I ended the little passage with “All is Well (ban the bombs sign)”.
I haven’t felt like that in years. Is this what adulthood is like?
Of course I have Rich, and I’m thankful for having him and wouldn’t be without him for the world. But I don’t have a girly girl friend to share things with. I rarely speak with my old friends anymore, if ever, and for some reason I’m feeling very lonely and isolated. Until I was 17 or 18, I had three best friends. We were thick as thieves. But now, it’s tough to find someone with similar interests, or even a similar sense of humour that’s my age. I miss it terribly. Of course I’ve had friends since I left school, but never had that ‘click’ that I had with my friends when I was growing up. Maybe I’m picky….but just someone my own age with vaguely similar interests would be nice.
So if you are at all interested in one or more of the following - Harry Potter, gardening, keeping chickens, Star Trek, knitting, reading, writing, dancing, photography, new media, The Beatles, making stuff, pub quizzes, baking and cooking, Heroes or Alias (on TV), self-suffiency and make-up - and have a simulataneously stupid and high brow (without sounding arrogant) sense of humour, are female, fairly tall (being 5′9, I feel self-conscious about looming over other girls) and around 25-27, then please get in contact.
Not likely, is it?
December 7th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I know how you feel now when we moved to Colorado I moved away from all my friends, knowing we would only be there a year meant making lasting friendship an impossibility. Now we are in Philadelphia and I’m at a loss on how to make friends with similiar interests. You could try gardening classes in the spring or knitting classes or groups now.
I share most of your interests but I’m a little “old” at 28 and short at 5′7 and there is the whole fact that in live in the US but I’m happy to chat. Good luck of your friend search!!
December 7th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Hehe N., the last bit is a tad tongue in cheek
I’m happy to make friends, both IRL and online, near or far! So yes please to chatting…
December 7th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Damn, like N im too old (but much older than N so im depressed now) and 5′7 - too short as well BUT I dont live too far away, so if your ever at a loss my door is always open….
December 7th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
I’m 29, 5′ 8″, moved to the UK a year ago and haven’t made any real friends (other than my boyfriend but he doesn’t count that way) yet. I am a little old, but still routinely mistaken for a university undergrad so perhaps we could discount that number. *g*
Just headed back to whence I came for a 2 week visit and depressed as hell because all my friends there are thrilled to see me.
Slugs ate my front yard garden this year, and I dream of a chicken coop therein, but suspect the chickens would be unhappy, not much space and I travel. I am a compulsive knitter, collect sewing machines, and read children’s literature, even when the librarians look at me oddly for entering the children’s room without a child in tow.
I tried blogging once but discovered I’d rather do things than blog about them.
December 8th, 2008 at 9:30 am
Hi Lucy
I’m not applying for the position although I share many of your interests, because I’m too old, too short and too far away! However, I just wanted to sympathise with your predicament. I am still friends with one or two people from my teens and early 20s, but we don’t live close to each other and I think it’s really important to try to stay in touch and see each other regularly, because I don’t think you ever make friends in the same way again once you become an adult. Adults tend to hold back a lot more, whereas children and teenagers, as you will remember, tell each other EVERYTHING! I’m not really sure why this happens, but try to keep in touch with your old friends, then it won’t matter so much if you don’t expect too much from any new friends you make.
December 8th, 2008 at 10:14 am
OK, I may fit a few areas! I’m 26 have 6 hens and am designing my garden at the moment to include some raised beds for veg. I love children’s literature and have been reading the Angus, thongs and full frontal snogging series! I’m 5′9″ and 2 of my friends are taller than me (I feel your pain with this one, lots of my friends are 5′4 and under!!)
I’m starting to feel a bit likie you in that I graduated 2 years ago adn am yet to find a job in the area I want to work in. My friends have well and truley started theirs adn are moving away because of this.
I hqave a stupid sence of humour, not so sure about the high brow aspect thoug! I love learning and doing new things, and am currently looking for an indoor winter hobby to kep e going through the winter months, as in the summer I am in the garden all summer!
I am a bit far away though!
December 8th, 2008 at 11:09 am
The great thing about memories is that you get to choose what to remember and what to forget.
Dont forget your old friends though, as you go through life - make contact again - it’s worth it. These are the people that you can turn to when you really need to - trust me.
Sorry I dont fit the “required” age bracket - far too old at 44 sigh but so much in common.
Love the blog by the way - I was directed to it by Stephen Shirley at Victoriana Nurseries.
TTFN
December 8th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Anna - hurrah! There are more like me out there? How are you fixed with Harry Potter? lol
Karen - would be good to catch up soon, I know you’ve been planning the move for some time, so glad it went OK and you’re getting settled.
Wren, Rachael & Gary ;- the problem is that I was the one making all the effort to keep in touch with my old friends. It’s literally like the physical distance between us is just too far now. They’ve moved on in their lives, and ultimately I think that means they’ve moved on from friends like me.
December 8th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
I am keen on Harry Potter, but not quite as enthusiastic as you! Just re-read my post, what a load of typoes, I really must remember to check before I post!
There are definately people like you (and me) around! A friend has just put in an offer on a house with 2 acres so she can have more hens, goats, and a massive veggie patch!
December 10th, 2008 at 7:49 am
OK, so I’m the wrong gender and age. And I’m not interested in knitting or make-up. But hey, I like vegetables and the Beatles.
I remember feeling JUST the way you describe in your post, Lucy… and I was one of the ones who went to London. I don’t think it’s a feeling determined by geography or occupation.
Truth is that this IS a bit what adult life is like, I fear. I now understand what people mean when they say their childhood years were the best in their lives. I don’t share the feeling (loathed school and being a child), but I do understand what they mean about lots of friends with common interests all in the same place etc etc. You never get that again, unless you’re in the army.
As a glass-is-half-empty kind of guy, I’ve learned that the only way to stay sane and semi-content is to ruthlessly focus on what you DO have and what you CAN do… not what you don’t have and can’t do. It’s trite, of course - for which apols. But it’s also helpful. Gets me through every dark and dreary, lonely day - of which there are still far, far too many.
December 12th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Well, it’s funny, been thinking something similar to this for a while now - my friends haven’t moved to the Big Smoke (I live in Scotland and most of them are still hereabouts) but most of them have kids now. And naturally the friends they see most of are ones with that crucial factor in common. And if you’ve ever spent a night where you’re the only non-mother in a group of mothers, you soon realise that you really just don’t fit in there.
So I really do sympathise. A lot of my friends now are ones who I have met online, and a lot of them I have subsequently met in real life and friendships have developed from there, so I do actually think that friends in cyberspace are still friends even if you only see them a few times - if at all.
I think that you’re making the right steps though by looking forward to new possibilities and new friends rather than fretting solely about old ones. Your new friends, and I include those of us who read, enjoy and respond to your blogs here, are here because they have something in common with you already: they have an interest in the same things that interest you
So for my part - I’m hundreds of miles away in Scotland and I’m waaay too old at 38 going on 39, but I ADORE Harry Potter, love my cats, my veg patches in my tiny garden, cooking, good wine, pub quizzes, books (any - as long as there are words) and intelligent and silly conversation. Will love the 4 new hens I’m getting in March and have already saddled them names which have my parents rolling their eyes, and will bore everyone stupid with tales of their escapades. Cannot knit (and in fact was “excused” from knitting classes at school because I was so bad) and am not that fussed about the Beatles, but I am 5′10″ and I always think that it’s a good day when you make a new friend
December 12th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Sleeve lengths are a bit on the short side when you’re 5′9″, aren’t they? Also, Rouge Noir-painted nails look at bit ‘wrong’ when encrusted with compost, don’t you find? Worry not about the friends you’ve apparently lost, go find some more, they’re certainly out there.
December 17th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Hi Lucy - just having a really quick read of blogs on public internet connection. No internet at mo hence no updates/emails for a while. I will reply to your lovely email as soon as I can in the New Year though. Sure you understand
Anyway, just read this and did laugh - if only I lived near you. We are SOOOO similar! and I am taller than you - nerrrr 
Hope all is well x
December 21st, 2008 at 12:57 am
Hello Lucy
Being twice your age and way shorter than you I don’t meet your criteria either, but then when I was 11 my best friend was the tallest girl in the class and I was the next to smallest. However, I have found that friendship is cyclical, with very few friends who stay the distance. I went to a school which was populated by people who all lived a long way away meaning that potentially my friends could live up to 40 miles away so I didn’t have much of a social life. My only friend left from school has lived in BC in Canada since we were 17 so thank heavens for phone plans that include international calls because we can certainly chat and unless I win the lottery I won’t be visiting her again any time soon. I had quite a number of Spanish and Italian friends for a couple of years after I graduated (I did French & Spanish) but then they all went home within a few months of each other. So I joined a tennis club which was great fun and good for my weight but after a few years of that I gave up my job and trained as a teacher then moved away. I had a few friends where I moved to but they were mostly through work plus many of them had families and I didn’t. Finally 5 years ago I changed job and moved to North Cumbria and through a series of serendipitous meetings of people I now have the nicest circle of friends I have ever had and it has proved to be invaluable as I had a breakdown nearly 3 years ago, have been unable to return to teaching and now only work 2 days a week earning a pittance. But with my amazingly supportive friends, who’s ages range from mid 30s to early 70s, I’m actually happier now than I have been for a long time. I live in the centre of a very small town where I now know loads of people, I chat in the shops and the streets and when I am out walking - which was my eco-therapy when I was at my lowest - and I joined a knit and natter group, also very therapeutic. Although I wish I had more money I wouldn’t change my life right now. I’m waiting for an allotment as I live in a flat but the list is long. Be open to new experiences, I have done Alexander Technique, woodwork, shiatsu, computerised bookkeeping (it was a work thing not a personal choice, Tai Chi, Ashtanga Yoga, Line Dancing. I don’t live anywhere near you but I’m really good at emailing. Don’t rule things out because you think they are not what you are looking for and don’t give up!