Two new residents arrived at the Smallest Smallholding this weekend. No, not the little guys in the pic above. We have quite a few of them already, thanks in part to the ongoing rain and hail showers.

No, this weekend saw the arrival of Snoopy and Smudge. These two loveable lop-eared bunnies are now in residence in their two-tier palatial abode (with waterproof cover, no less). They arrived on Sunday.

I have yet to photograph Smudge (female), but let Snoopy out of the run for a bit and took a couple of snaps. He was suitably unimpressed and made a dash back to The Mrs. who was lolling about without a care in the world.

OK so bunnies aren’t exactly productive like hens - they don’t pay for themselves. But my thinking is that I couldn’t bare the thought of them being rehomed with someone who would get bored and leave them sitting in a hutch all day. I have a troop of cats and hens, I thought cleaning out two bunnies wouldn’t be much more work. They’re also great at keeping the grass down, the dandelions in check and good for stress-busting.

The hens weren’t too sure about them. Maureen in particular starting doing her “I’m Not Sure” poses - head cocked to the side slightly, looking intently through one eye, standing astride with one leg straight, one leg prancing like a ballerina. Pattie chatted away, obviously discussing these strange new creatures with her housemates. As head honcho, Yoko was suitably unimpressed and apathetic about the whole situation.

I love my food, there’s no doubting that. I’ll never be one of these stick-thin types, a) because I have child bearing hips and b) because food has an important part to play in my life - growing it, cooking it and savouring it.

I come from a family where every occasion is marked by some sort of meal or foodie event. We’re a bit continental, in that our extended family often gets together and feasts. In the summer and autumn, a lot of the food we eat is home-grown, and tastes all the better for it.

I really enjoy cooking from scratch. In fact, I rarely don’t cook from scratch, unless I’m whacking something like a beanburger on. It might sound extremely tragic to those that are living high-flying careers, but cooking my dinner is a highlight of my day. Rich is far more experimental than me with his dishes -I tend to stick to my favourites (I could live on home-made soups for months on end) and cook them on a rotation. He went through a phase of making proper italian pizzas, the dough, the tomatoes, the buffalo mozzerella, fresh basil, baked on the back of a hot cast iron dish. They were stunning. He inspires me to try harder.

We both like to cook, so a lot of the time we cook our separate meals, which sometimes results in jostling and cries of “can you get out of the way!” and “oi, I need that pan!” or “do you have to stand there?”.

This summer I’m aiming to find interesting uses for all the produce at the Smallest Smallholding. I can’t wait until I’m able to walk a few yards, ponder over the vegetable patches about what to pick or pull up, and what I can do with it. At the moment though, there’s not a lot of edible stuff here, it’s all growing, germinating or yet to be sowed. I still have yet to master the whole productive year-round and storage thing.

Which means that at present, I am relying on the supermarket (bleurgh) for my ’scratch’ ingredients. Veg, passata, frozen peas et al. Farmer’s markets are thin on the ground, a bit like my cash situation. No cash, no food from the market or farm shop. The supermarket isn’t so bad at the mo, there’s a nice looking security guard there that I don’t mind ogling from afar, much to Rich’s bemusement (”…but he always looks so moody! You’re weird.”).

ANYWAY - I will finally make my point. Cash flow is crap at the moment, thanks in part to humongous vet bills, quarterly sky-high gas bills (despite our best efforts to be efficient) etc etc. So we are on a very very very tight, strict food budget. I needed to go on a bit of a diet anyway. 7 chocolate brioches, a few doughnuts, cookies, cakes and crisps later and I’m not exactly looking my best. Remember I have this school reunion to go to - I really don’t want to be the “one that got chubby”.

But being on a budget means that I am actually eating three GOOD square meals a day. I can’t afford the extras. So it’s like putting a little in and getting the maximum out. I don’t understand all this “I’m poor so I can’t afford to eat healthily” stuff. If anything, money makes me fatter! I have no self discpline when it comes to cakes, biscuits, bread and crisps.

Well it wouldn’t be a typical week at the Smallest Smallholding without a poorly hen and some baytril thrown in.

Yoko has developed a respiratory infection, something she’s prone to because of her egg yolk peritonitis condition. She has a small amount of fluid in her air sacs anyway, but the amount of fluid has increased and she’s sneezing and coughing quite a bit. We noticed this a couple of days ago, but typically it was a weekend. We rang yesterday and got her in to see our vet today - so she’s getting 1.2ml oral baytril once a day, administered in a few juicy grapes that she gobbles up. She’s also having a diuretic to try and get rid of the excess fluid. She seems ok in herself - out and about, doing chickeny things and eating well, so fingers crossed she’ll get over it. She’s actually improved since yesterday, which is a positive sign at the moment. If the antibiotics don’t nail the infection (apparently baytril is one of the fastest acting antibiotics), then they’ll try a paediatric-like nebuliser to ‘mist’ her with.

So yes, more vet bills. I did say ‘cautiously optimistic’ didn’t I?

Today however has been quite productive. Last night we spent the evening burning all the bindweed, sticks pulled out of the old compost heap, and stuff that’s too big to go through the chipper, and today I was fired up for more. After the rain had been and gone, the weather was absolutely gorgeous. After a short stroll around the place, I found myself out there in my pyjamas, working away. I have a tendency to start picking at something and then get really involved. Rich requested that I actually get properly dressed (I was stood at the gate talking to him in the kitchen, neighbour walked past and inwardly marvelled at my rain mac, pink cat pyjama bottoms and wellie-shoe combo), so I did. Sort of. A quick change into trackie bottoms and a vest top - yes, it was that warm. I did a bit of a Charlie Dimmock though. And I wouldn’t recommend it.

Anyhow, I digress.

A few months ago we salvaged some bricks that were going to landfill. They were rescued from our local lower school, where they formed the well-trodden path of many a child, including me. It seemed mad that they were going to the tip - they were in tip top condition. I’d already laid some as a path inside the greenhouse, and as a small paved area just outside it to put pots on. I had quite a few left over, and I’ve been using them to outline the new larger veg plot. Thing is, I’ve got halfway round and realised that I haven’t got enough to do the whole job. POO BUM! I’ll have to subsitute with some of my (different coloured/shaped) freecycle bricks. It’ll look crude (rustic, in my language), but it’ll do it’s job.

Anyway got a few canes up, planted out the 4 broadbeans I’ll trialed in the pots (done very well, thanks) and put in enough for a small crop around the rest of the canes. At least this way I’ll have a longer spell of cropping, having staggered their planting. Although, if I was really clever, I’d have put all the remainder beans in at more intervals. Now I’ll have a few followed by a glut. That’s if Mr Mouse,or Miss Hen, or a naughty little kitty cat doesn’t get to them first! It’s my first year growing beans, so we’ll have to wait and see.

Also sowed in two small rows of early turnips by the beans, simply because I couldn’t work out where else to put them. They should really have gone in a lot earlier to make the most of their early-ness. But I like to fly by the seat of my pants (ahem) and live life on the edge. They need to be kept moist to prevent woody flesh, so I hope this year I pull my socks up where the watering is concerned. Would help if I could rig up a couple of extra waterbutts, but unfortunately personal finances don’t allow this. And waterbutts on Freecycle are like gold dust.

Finally, as dusk descended and the light faded tonight, I forked the ground around the growing onions. The soil is so sandy that it develops a sort of ‘crust’ that isn’t particularly permeable for rain. So I gave it a good turn, taking care not to disturb the onions or their roots.

A better day than I had anticipated.

It’s been a good month or so since Pattie last laid an egg.

But it seems that she’s getting over her mystery illness. This morning I got up, let them out and hung around when I noticed she’d gone back in the nest box.

About 25 minutes later she re-emerged, looking rather pleased with herself. “BBBRRrrGAAAHHHH!” she said. So I peeped in the nestbox, and there is was, the egg that has almost laid to rest weeks of worry.

I say ‘almost’ because I can’t help but be cautiously optimistic. I’m hoping that this is the beginning of a quiet period, as far as chicken health at the Smallest Smallholding goes.

I try not to kill anything. I don’t swot flies, I try to not provide ants with ideal nesting sites, and with 4 cats on site, mice don’t tend to make themselves known. I am with Chris Packham on this one - live and let live. Which means that things like aphids can become a real problem. I don’t like to use the word pest, because I suppose in some cases, one person’s pest is another beast’s fodder. Or something.

I suppose the answer to successfully growing vegetables and wildlife planting without using standard pest control is to implement and encourage natural predators. Ok, so this is me passing the buck and getting other wildlife to do my dirty work, but I think it’s the lesser of two evils. It also means that I can put more time into productive vegetable growing and gardening!

I’m a release site for Bedfordshire Wildlife Rescue’s rehabilitated hedgehogs, so naturally the Smallest Smallholding is a hedgehog friendly environment. And guess what - I don’t have a problem with slugs or snails. However, the aphids came out in earnest earlier this month, sucking away on the ivy and Paul’s Himalayan Musk rose, steadily making their way to the greenhouse. Well, in fact, they were in the (unheated) greenhouse until the hard frosts and snow came back. They’d sucked the life out of my chives. So this year I have to really look at ways to discourage them and the other munchy munchers both here at the Smallest Smallholding and down on the allotment.

A solution is to undertake some companion planting to deter unwanted beasties - things like marigolds and basil next to the tomatoes, planting onions and carrots together, bay leaves next to the beans (get away Mr Weevil!) and any alliums near the fruit trees. We also have dill growing here and there, a favourite for the aphid-eating machines that are hoverflies.

Another solution is to wildlife garden to enourage the natural predators such as hedgehogs, hoverflies, ladybirds and lacewings. Supplying them with shelter spots and habitats, as well as food is vital. At the moment we have buddleia coming through - the equivalent of an open bar to a butterfly - lavender and rosemary, cosmos to be planted (flowered through to Novemeber last year), and I imagine a lot of the attractive annuals such the borage, cornflowers and verbena bonariensis will have reseeded themselves this year. But I definitely need to do more.

The birds help - sparrows in particular love to pick the aphids off the orange blossom. And of course the hens are also a great help in this respect too. They go fly catching on warm afternoons, cluck and shriek with delight when they unearth grubs, and love to pick at the really small slugs. Last year I let them have the run of the veg plots, and apart from decimating my lettuces (my mistake for uncovering them) and the odd nip at a carrot top, everything was left in place.

The only solution I haven’t managed to find yet, is how to deter Mr Moth from my damson and plum trees. Not sure if alliums deter moths, and I certainly don’t want to put up any of those indiscriminate sticky traps either.

Oh dear. I’m having a bit of a personal crisis at present.

I can tell because the day before yesterday, I managed to eat 7 chocolate brioches (there were only 8 in the packet) in the space of about 2 hours. Something is definitely amiss.

Hurrah!

But I’m not quite sure what they are.

I think I know which ones are the Peppers, but not sure about the others. Aubergines? California Bell Peppers maybe? The labels blew away you see… that’ll teach me for taking shortcuts!

Ah well, makes it all that bit more interesting I suppose!!!! Also, in light of me being a typically moody woman (girl? woman? young lady?), and Rich being a bit lax with his vocabulary, I’ve re-introduced the Swear Jar. You have to pay £1 everytime you swear. Bloody and crap are allowed though. It’s just a way to get us to be more polite and expand our vocab a bit more - e.g. “get out of my way, you pugnacious, truculent puny hedge-born malcontent!”.

But let’s face it, seeing as it’s my invention, Rich is the only one that’s going to end up paying. Last year I think I made about £11, which was probably spent on cat food or chocolate. Or possibly crisps too. Sorry Rich, I’m a rubbish girlfriend sometimes.

On the allotment, I managed to inherit two large patches of rhubarb with some impressive crowns. I was actually surprised at how early you can harvest rhubarb, even without forcing it. See, I still have a lot to learn about growing veggies.

So off I trundled on Sunday, having decided that rhubarb crumble was on the menu for dessert, following our Sunday (veggie) roast. Whilst being blown to pieces, I pulled up a whole armful of sticks of rhubarb of varying sizes and thicknesses. Here’s a completely au naturel action shot of me approaching aforementioned rhubarb:

The ones that were far too thick and stringy were cut up (to aid decomposition - yep, MORE compost talk) and thrown (literally, from afar) onto the compost heap. I’m rubbish with portion sizes so I kept pulling and snipping the leaves off, and deciding that I didn’t have enough for one rhubarb crumble, would pull some more. This went on for a fair few minutes. I have a fear of cooking and not producing enough food for a meal that will leave me feeling satisfied. Or full to bursting. So as a consequence, I pretty much always cook far too much.

Now, bear in mind that there are only two of us here at the Smallest Smallholding. This is how much rhubarb I ended up with for my one crumble:

Once I got home, I washed and chopped up the rhubarb, cooked it with about 3/4 of an inch of water in the saucepan, and added about 6oz sugar. Once it was soft, and wafting delicious sweet acidic smells out of the kitchen, I strained it a bit and had to divide it into two dishes. I rubbed together 8oz of plain flour, 4oz of (fair trade) demerera sugar and 4oz (organic) butter together for the topping, sprinkled it on liberally, put a little more sugar on top and put both in the oven at gas mark 5. After about 20 minutes, my rhubarb crumbleS were ready. We served them up with Green & Black’s caramel and hazlenut ice cream.

Fan-bloody-tastic. My first allotment harvest was a veritable success.

I’m sitting here with a big fat headache, and I think I must look like a right old grump.

I had to do a dash outside into the FREEZING COLD (when *will* this winter end properly?!) haily-slushy-rain to grab the washing. I’d completely forgotten about it until I’d gone to put the hens to bed, and ended up having to sprint back out into cold and wet to retrieve it. I think what I have now is a sort of prolonged ice cream headache.

What a moany moaner.

I just wanted to address a few comments from my Compost post - thanks for the advice regarding the pallets. I wanted to prove that I’m not completely useless and post a pic of the compost heap I refashioned from pallets at the allotment. It’s made from everything that was already up there, left by the last tenant. I managed to dig in the pallet sides so they’re solid, wire them together with some spent wire from where the dead raspberries were (managed to save a few though that are looking promising), and line it with chicken wire I found.

However, the reason I’ve not used the three pallets we have here at the Smallest Smallholding, is because of a size issue. Basically, the decomposing heap we had (it’s not worthy of a compost heap label) was just far too massive to be contained into pallet-size bins. So why not just get more pallets, I hear you cry! Well, the simple is answer is because my back is crap.

I come from a family of crappy backed people, and things like digging, whilst being utterly inane and BORING, actually cause havoc. I have disc damage in my lower back, so certain movements when bearing loads (e.g. turning compost) do not do me any good. We designed the new wooden compost bin so that I could easily access it, turn it etc without having to stoop. Pallets are just too low down.

HOWEVER, I will be rigging up a natty little pallet bin for preparing compost. It means that I can deal with small amounts just as they become ready to be used, and keep the bigger pile moving and turning.

I’m sure by now you’re probably sick of hearing about compost. I’m very into it at the moment, thanks in part of a fellow forum user from my Rural Muse forum sending me three books on allotments and compost. Fascinating stuff. Soil is like this big living, breathing entity. It needs feeding, watering and nuturing, just like most plants or organisms. Before my Smallest Smallholding days, I thought of soil as just dirty dust really. Oh how I have been enlightened!

Anyway, enough about compost and soil.

Some good news on the seed germination front - the peppers are slowly but surely unfurling and making their entrance into the big wide world. Tomatoes are repotted, and as ever I went mad and sowed the whole packet, and now am trying to flog all but about 6 of my 25 plants.

Broadbeans are finally making a breakthrough, so I’m going to belatedly put up the supporting canes. Tendersnax carrots are germinating in the pot outside, but thinning them out is going to be a complete pain in the arse. I don’t think I’ll grow carrots in pots again.

And OOOhhhhh - bargain…went to Homebase to get a fixture for our broken loo, and had a quick jaunt around the garden plants section. I, as ever, made a beeline for the reduced section (always a champion of the underdogs, me) and bagged myself a half priced £4.99 ‘Goldtraube’ blueberry bush! So I’ve just got to find another one so they can pollinate each other. GOOD STUFF. Cheaper to buy from nurseries, but I couldn’t resist.

Ok, I have been tagged by Jo from Little Ffarm Dairy to answer a few questions. So here goes:

What Was I Doing 10 Years Ago?

10 years ago I would have been a 15 year old in Year 10 at school, studying towards my GCSEs. I was living in a 1960s bubble (bedroom decoration, clothes, music, etc) and was totally overenthusiastic about The Beatles and John Lennon.

I think Britain was still revelling in the whole Cool Britannia phase, and I was very much into the whole music scene - going to concerts, gigs, singing a bit in my sister’s boyfriend’s band, discovering house parties and boys. I was besotted with three Upper Sixth boys called Jack, Brad and Tom, and dreamed of a living a life as an artist, writer or musician. I was on the verge of landing my first paid job working at Our Price in Bedford (alas, no longer there) as one of the company’s youngest employees (I had to work on a Child certificate, meaning I could only work 7 hour days until I was 16. My uniform caused problems at the train station as I was always stopped going through the barrier with a Child Ticket).

My To Do List for Today/Diary of What I Actually Did

Well, today was a bit of a lazy Sunday, so I haven’t really been doing that much. Rich got up early to let the hens out. So despite my best efforts, I lazed and got up late, pulled on some mud-encrusted clothes and clambered all over the compost heap. I’m deconstructing it at the moment, and finding it quite an educational experience, as far as compost goes. The ‘heap’ is teaming with life and I’m feeling a bit guilty about disturbing it all, but doing my best to relocate all the millipedes, centipedes, woodlouse, earthworms and tiger worms. Today I have learnt that moss does NOT decompose in the compost heap, too much grass turns to black mush, and egg shells don’t really break down effectively. Plus sticks and twigs in the compost heap are a complete pain in the arse. Seriously thinking about getting one of those Wiggly Wigglers Can O’ Worms as we’re fast running out of space.

However, back to the original question. I was hailed on from a great height and retreated indoors for a bit of lunch (cheese and pickle sandwich followed by rice pudding and jam…ultimate comfort food when you’re soggy and cold). I then spent an hour or so in the warmth and comfort of our messy conservatory, complete with cat-draped sofa, leafing through Country Living and Home Farmer magazines. I spent a lot of time gazing outside and planning.

For the rest of today I expect I will get some of my heirloom variety sweet peas sown, finally get in the shower after I’ve dealt with all the muck (rest assured, I shower, wash hair and clean my teeth obsessively every day), wash my hair and put my face on before I face the world. I might even pop down to the allotment to grab some rhubarb. I’m making a roast dinner (vegetarian, even Rich likes my veggie roasts) tonight. En route to the allotment I may stop in at Nannie’s, as my mum and aunt will be there having afternoon tea with her. I have some eggs from my hens to drop off to her aswell. Inbetween dinner I need to get some of my freelance writing work done too.

Snacks I Enjoy:

Nothing beats a good old cheese and pickle doorstep wedge-sized sandwich. Tyrells Salt & Vinegar crisps are divine too. In summer, they go really well with freshly-pressed apple juice and aforementioned cheese sandwich. OK, so this is turning into a lunch rather than a snack! Oh, and Indian Koftas - a bit like onion bhajis. My cousin’s boyfriend’s family hails from India and he has been educating her on the finer points of Indian cuisine. Koftas are GORGEOUS.

Things I Would Do If I Were A Billionaire:

• Buy up lots of countryside to protect it from property developers
• Buy myself a lovely Smallholding by the sea
• Start a large family finally and have a lovely low-key but riotus wedding
• Go on holiday for the first time in 6 years and have someone to look after my animals 24/7!
• Pay off all my family’s debts (mortgages etc), invest in their dream business ventures such as the art gallery, plant nursery, farm and tea shop.
• Invest in getting my grandmother the best possible care and rehabilitation to get her as independent as she once was
• Give local charities regular donations and the means to expand - Bedfordshire Wildlife Rescue, Wood Green Animal Shelter, HULA Animal Rescue, The Wildlife Trust to name but a few
• Set up my own ethical and sustainable business, with offices all over the world investing in local communities
• Set up a charity for assisting small local business start up and general advice
• Buy up a really old delapidated country pile and restore it and its grounds to their former glory, a la Heligan

Three of My Bad Habits

My punctuality is appalling if it’s not absolutely imperative that I arrive on time.

I am frustratingly impatient at times, although luckily Rich has had a positive influence on me

I worry far too much about things that haven’t happened yet.

Five Places I Have Lived:

I’ve only ever lived in one town. Rich thinks it must drive me potty. I’ve lived here, in this house that I grew up in, as well as a 6 month stint renting another house when Rich and I first lived together. I would like to move away to the coast eventually I think - Devon or Cornwall - but it would be a wrench leaving my family. Hopefully we can all go together one day.

Five Jobs I Have Had:

Customer Service Assistant at Our Price, Garden Centre Cafe Assistant, Researcher, Copywriter and Database Administrator for a company dealing with DFID (Department for International Development) Contracts, Temporary Stock Room Assistant (filler post uni, the lack of sunlight was soul destroying), Freelance Writer. I’ve also worked as an extra on the Batman Begins movie. Awesome experience.

Five People Who Write Interesting Blogs That I’d Like to Tag:

(and a few more…)

• Richard and Kate at Not A Proper Farmer
• Kat at Shoestring Garden
• Celia at Purple Podded Peas
• Soilman from Soilman’s Allotment Blog
• Hamster at Eating the Seasons
• Paul and Melanie from Growing Our Own
• Rebecca at Sallygardens Smallholding

To those that I’ve tagged - don’t worry if you’ve not got the time or inclination to have a go at this meme!